Eddie “The Edger” Merriweather
Barefoot Barbarian of the XR • High Priest of Sketchy Lines
Raised on The Edge
Eddie “The Edger” Merriweather was born somewhere deep in the tangled hollers of Central Kentucky — though nobody can quite agree on which holler. Some say he lived in an abandoned treehouse held together by duct tape and a prayer. Others swear he crawled out of a cave next to the Red River Gorge holding a half-charged Onewheel and a MoonPie.
What is known is this: Eddie was riding narrow rails, creek banks, and fallen logs long before anybody taught him what “safe trail etiquette” meant. His natural habitat is a single-track so thin it looks like a rumor. And he has spent his whole life chasing one thing — the edge. Literally.
Why “The Edger”?
Most riders try to stay on the trail. Eddie prefers to ride beside it — balancing the Onewheel so half the tire is flirting with absolute disaster.
Roots? He grazes ’em.
Rocks? He kisses ’em.
Cliffs? “Just more trail,” he says.
To Eddie, riding the centerline is for people who enjoy comfort and predictable outcomes. Eddie enjoys neither.
Floatucky Discovery
During an early-season meetup, riders kept hearing:
- “YEEEEE!!!”
- “WATCH THIS!”
- “I’M EDGIN’ BABY!”
…and the unmistakable skkkkrrrrttttt of rubber sliding sideways across unsafe terrain. What they found was a wiry, bug-eyed man balancing on the lip of a ravine, grinning like he’d been struck by lightning.
He introduced himself simply: “Name’s Eddie. I edge.”
He was immediately invited to join.
Personality
Eddie’s brain has two gears:
1. Edge Finding Mode
- Scanning every trail for the narrowest possible line
- Will ride anything that looks sketchy
- Somehow survives falls through sheer cartoon momentum
- Gives terrible advice confidently (“Just commit and don’t die!”)
2. Storytelling Mode
- Speaks in tall tales
- Claims he once edged across a log so skinny it “was basically a wooden string”
- Claims he once outran a goat
- Claims he once edged around a snake without touching the ground
Nobody knows what is true… but Eddie insists all of it is.
Riding Style
Eddie isn’t fast. Eddie isn’t smooth. But Eddie is spectacular.
- Spaghetti limbs flapping like streamers
- A manic grin visible three counties over
- A backward hat that has never once fallen off
- Going places on the trail no sane rider would attempt
- Yelling “EDGING!” like it’s a magical spell
He doesn’t win races. He wins crowds.
Signature Move – “The Floatucky Fingerdrag”
While edging around a corner, Eddie leans so low that his long, gangly arms start scraping the dirt like a human kickstand.
Does it help? No one knows.
Does it look awesome? Absolutely.
Is it safe? Not even a little.
Gear
- Torn Floatucky jersey — patched with electrical tape
- Mismatched elbow and knee pads — scavenged from yard sales
- Bare feet — because “the board needs to FEEL the soul”
- Onewheel XR — scraped, dented, and spiritually cursed
- Hat backward — non-negotiable
- Beard that’s 70% trail dust
Role in the Floatucky Universe
Eddie the Edger is less a rider and more an omen.
If you see Eddie on the trail:
- You are about to witness something incredible
- You may or may not survive
- You will have a story to tell for the rest of your life
He is the chaotic spirit of the Floatucky Trail Derby — proof that the sport is not about perfection, but passion, guts, and occasionally terrible decisions executed beautifully.
Unofficial Motto: “If you ain’t edgin’, you ain’t livin’.”
| Trait | Rating |
|---|---|
| Edging Skill | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ |
| Trail Chaos | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ |
| Fear | ❌ NOT FOUND |
| Grip Strength (Feet) | ⭐⭐⭐⭐ |
| Board Lifespan | ☠️ R.I.P. |
| Spectator Entertainment | ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ |